21.

thought you had this last week.

this one is quite personal.
 buuuut might as well share because..let's just face it, i'm an open book.


kayy so i've had the privilege of hanging out with some great boys this weekend. they are returned missionaries,
sweet, amusing & just down right fun to be around. and for the first time in 3 years, i'm really realizing that there are so many boys out there. this is not to say i'm involved or even feeling inclined to date anyone else, that really has never been an issue cause there just isn't anyone out there like D,  but it makes me wonder if falling in love at the ripe ole age of 16 was more detrimental than beneficial.  it has also brought up the whole concept that there is no such thing as a soulmate. as lovey dovey & all about romance that i am, i do firmly believe this. i believe that you could make something work with a select few in this world,  just depends where & what your sights are set on. another issue is that lately, i've been wanting to travel the world & live a fulfilling life before i have so many responsibilities, but that's much harder with a boyfriend. today he told me that long distance is just too hard, that he needs to see me everyday. yes, no doubt i love hearing that stuff, but my comeback to that was that we are 19. and we neeed to live our own lives & have our own experiences. i don't want to hold anyone back & i surely won't be resented 20years down the road because of selfish reasons.  i'm quite confused & torn lately. the hardest part is that its not like i'm treated poorly or i'm in an unhealthy relationship, its purely my own cold footed little self. i just know for a fact that there is no way to have a strong, successful & resilient relationship unless both parties are independent & can be their own selves without the another. 

this song has always made me so positive on this subject.
it was the biggest help that week before i moved down to st. george &
couldn't bear the thought of not having him just a stone's throw away.
the lyrics are just great.

-h