Friday, April 8

alll smiles.

so like, i don't mean to gloat or anything, 
but i'm pretty sure i fell in love with one of the cutest boys around. 
no, we're STILL not officially together again. yes, i'm still having those twinges of doubt. and yess, we will forever still be the most on and off couple. ever. 
BUT, the past week has taught me something: 
that i need to stop thinking about myself.
stop being restless. 
stop being so damn crayyy.
i have something wonderful at my fingertips. 
and though i still need my "haylie" time for a while, 
i'm so grateful for what i have.

so anywayyy. i'm a softy underneath my sassy exterior and often times write down the cute texts/conversations derek & i have.  today was one of those days where he was just as cute as a button in his texts, so i went to write them down when i found even more of his old ones.
 annnnd i felt like sharing. 
warning: if you can't stand the lovey stuff, my suggestion is to STOP reading now.
i tryyy not to be sappy, but today is one of those days :)

from forevvver ago:   
 D: i'm sorry for the fighting..i love you so much haylie.
 H: nahh, i'm sorry. i know i'm a brat, i just don't know why it never stops.
 D: yeahh. you are a punk. but i love every aspect of your personality. just remember who you are and don't change for me because you already are my one and only. my white buffalo haha.

from today:
D: i miss you. i miss your face. i miss your hair. its the softest and its so long and beautiful. i love the smell of it. and i love it when you put it in a samurai bun.

falling in love is easy.
staying in love is hard. 
i have been farrrrr from perfect. but i've realized anytime that i've messed up and been an awful girlfriend or friend to derek, has been because its a reflection of how i feel as a person.
this last week has made me mostly realize that in order to be the best for someone else,
 i have to be the best for myself.  because really, the reason for most of my doubt lately hasn't been because i think i deserve better than clayy, but because i think he deserves better than me.

my promise to myself is to be the best person possible so that i CAN deserve the best person i know.


1 comment:

Madi Bringhurst said...

okay. this was my favorite post of ALL TIME. no joke. I seriously almost cried. I really just love you and derek so much hay. As individuals and together. I have never been so close to anyone as I was with you all of those wonderful years, and I would tell all how much I adore you, and how incredible of a person you are. I want you to be happy :) I am so proud of all of your contemplations. I really feel so strongly that when you try to be your best self first, you are able to be the best person in a relationship. I think as you work to become who you want to be, you won't have anymore questions. I love you bay! And seriously.. his texts.. to die for! He is the cutest little number one! love him! xo