bob and suz: the modern day noah and allie

last night, i was home alone. i woke up early, ran all my errands, did all my chores, even watched a movie. hours passed and i had been playing phone tag with my pops. my voicemails were building up ( my message machine tells people to pleeease not leave me one cause i hate them and never check them) so i just kept trying to call him back. at 8 o'clock, while i was planning my trip to mexico, he finally answered. his opening line was 'don't freak out, hay, but.." and then i freaked out. my dad doesn't exaggerate anything. in fact, he does the opposite. he makes everything seem as dull as possible, especially in emergencies. 


he told me that my mom and him had been driving home from grocery shopping when an enormous, lifted truck just veered into their lane causing a head on collision at 40 mph. My dad passed out and my mom was wedged in between the seat and the dashboard, both of their heads had been bashed on the windshield leaving terrible marks. At the time my dad was telling me this, my mom was in the ER and he had no idea how she was. He had told everyone he was fine, but after my mom overruled him (no surprise there) they found out he had bleeding in his brain that would inevitably result in seizures, strokes and or brain damage.


all of a sudden, i was 5 years old again. on the night my brother was babysitting us and my parents took too long on their date. we sat at the window, matt and i crying, waiting for them to return. in my mind, they had been in a car crash and were hurt somewhere all alone. except that turned out to be a silly fear, for they were parked in our driveway eating ice cream and talking the whole time. this time, it was real.


my parents are rocks. they don't fear pain, they are the hardest workers, and they never give up. my mom once fell off a galloping horse and popped out of the meadow, grinning ear to ear, with a   "that was fun!" They are so concerned with other people that they don't have the time nor the effort to think of themselves. So upon hearing such news, i was scared. more than that, i was hysterical. shaking with fear and concern. because you think your parents are superheroes. they can't die, i mean, yes. one day, in the far far future, they will quietly pass in their sleep, but never before. and never in a automobile accident. 


when i got to the ER, the nurse pointed to a cute little man with wispy hair and a hospital gown on and asked "that guy look familiar?" but he didn't. he wasn't the strong, solid father i knew.  when i went up to him, i couldn't give him the proper hug i wanted to. he was too tangled with IVs and weak with shock. Though he had successfully saved his Ute hat and sweatshirt that lay neatly by his side after causing 4 nurses and a doctor assist him in taking it off in order to resist them cutting it off, as they had done to my mom's clothing. He turned bashful when i patted his head and attempted to smooth his hair, then returning his Ute cap to its rightful spot. a picture of vulnerability, but with a streak of independence. no one could touch his favorite hat. 


in the next room, my mom, on the other hand,  had a pile of her favorite clothes cut perfectly in half laying beside her bed. she was writhing in pain as they tried to put her cast on. Her ear had dried blood all over it and her arms and legs were swollen with bruises and cuts. She took one look at me and knew i'd had a rough night, as mothers always know, and hugged me. as if i was the one who needed consoling. and still, after all the trauma, was able to laugh and say "well, i can't say this was as fun as my horse fall!" 


my brother and i stayed up with them til 4 in the morning, making them eat and take their pills, helping my mom in and out of her wheelchair and listening to them tell us the same things over and over again- which really only caused us to worry about how bad they really hit their heads. we were doing exactly what they had done for us for the last 20 and 24 years of our lives. knowing that by only a miracle from our Heavenly Father, had they somehow survived.


i learned a lot yesterday. i learned to never EVER take something as precious as life for granted. i learned that i couldn't do it without my parents. that moment when i feared for their lives, i couldn't imagine moving forward. I learned that i am so lucky. for so many different things, but mostly, lucky that the fear of death was never knocking at my door, that my parents had given me such a padded and sheltered lifestyle.


and finally, the reason for the title of this post: i know all of you can recall any and all details of the notebook. well the part at the end where allie asks noah if their love could create a miracle and he says "our love can do whatever we want it to" is what popped into my mind tonight. After the accident, my mom looked over to see a completely unconscious bob. With the blow to his head and the brain bleeding, he could have been out for hours, if not more. But   the only thing he recalls hearing was my moms soft, strained voice repeating "bobby, bobby, wake up".  And he did just that. as discombobulated as he was, he turned to my mom, saw she was hurt and trapped and push his way through the completely smashed door to get to her side. after it was all said and done, my mom overheard the police talking to one another. "how did the driver get out of his seat?" "he pushed his way out of the drivers side" "impossible. it was completely wedged shut, there is no way anyone could have managed that" 


but he did. after being completely unconscious. to save my mom. 

RULE: you have to listen to the song as you read

have you ever heard a song and instantly it takes you to a moment. not one in the past, not nostalgic feelings, but something you want to do or imagine doing to that song? i hope that's not weird. because i place a feeling to every song i listen to. it's not just mere entertainment for me. 

well the song below does that for me. two different things pop up. and it's kinda funny cause they are quite opposite:

1.

 i imagine a freaking great make out sesh, like one that would be in a movie and would deserve this as the background music. even though the term 'background music' is just offensive to such a song.

 but not just that: in an old motel, on the outskirts of a small town, where you will fall in love all over and over again. - i promise this didn't seem as dirty in my head. but who are we kidding. it's me we're talking about. i can't help it. 

2.

 the alternative to that would be a breakup song, either angry or sad really. but more  the fighting/crying/getting over the bastard kind, in my mind. hahah. i'm such a terrible soul at times. but yes. a subtly empowering song.

you want to know the benefit of a song that can carry two polar emotions like this one?

 every time you listen it will fit to how you're feeling. not that i want to be blasphemous, but it's like when you re-read your patriarchal blessing again. and i truly mean that with the most respect and high regard as is possible in a post where i've already sworn multiple times. 

the runners-up for why i'm so deeply possessed by this song are:

            - the title of this album is "only good bands have animal names" clever little guys they are.

            - while dealing with bad reception on our skype sesh last night while we were showing each other our new songs, i had to act out 'tiger waves' to derek. so i rawred like a tiger, then made my arms do a wave. i'm still funny. nothing's changed. 

          - they say  "i know this is not your cup of tea" you see, cup of tea is one of my more favored old-person sayings.

h

ps. could it be a bad reflection on myself and my relationship that this song brings out the two most common forms of communication between derek and i?

pps. you know that motel/outskirts/making out/fall in love idea? well. that's actually something i've been daydreaming about before this song graced my eardrums.  which, to me,  is really just fate telling me i NEED to follow this ludicrous idea of mine.

goodnight, y'all

♥

can i just say?

sometimes i want to blog, but i have nothing to say of any worth or depth. these are the times where i just start writing.

 oh wait. 99% of my blog? yes. i'm sorry.

gum. the other day, i hadn't spent money in a really long time and needed to buy something and fast. so i bought 4 packs of fruity gum. i usually hate fruity gum. (my first kiss ruined me) but i did. and now i eat it a lot. and i've found that it's the best for so many things. first off, the element of entertainment. ill be at the gym and hating the fact that i'm running. but then i'm like "whoa. this tastes good in my mouth. it's like i'm having a jamba. i love eating. it always means i'm having fun.  i guess that means i'm having fun. maybe running isn't so bad. wait. i can blow bubbles. yep. running isn't so bad." and then i'm like fine to run for 20 minutes straight. its the darndest thing. and that also allows me to eat it instead of other things, not to get all anorexic. but it its a diet savvy idea.

zumba. speaking of gym, i went to zumba today. first of all. what the hell. how do men and older women catch on faster than i do? seriously. what the hell.  second, i've been an avid gym goer lately ( don't worry, it's not a new years resolution. they have a bad track record. so to cease that trend, i started 6 days before. BAM. beat that logic. )  anyway, avid gym goer. k so i have gone every day lately, therefore  i consider myself conditioned. but zumba thinks otherwise. kicked my ass. like i'm really sore right now. i feel like i need a walker with tennis balls on the bottom. why do they do that? if the oldies can't scoot efficiently without them, couldn't the manufacturers upgrade it? poor old people. they always get the bad end of the stick.

skin. i miss saint george. for 239573 reasons. but today another one came to mind. my skin was so pretty down there. nice and fresh and clear and moist. i looked int he mirror today and was not pleased.  my skin is all tight from washing it too much or winter or something gay like that. and so when i smile, it looks like wrinkles. EFFING WRINKLES. not okay at all. i want you back, stg.

boyfriend. he comes home finallyyyyy after his long ass trip to see his family in california. like yeah, cool, you got to be with family for the holidays.

 but we both know that utah is better, because i live in utah, and i am the best, so yeah. easy math. come back.

oh also. my dad got released as stake pres so i can swear publicly all the hell i want now, dammit! ha. just kidding. i swore anyway. 

sometimes my parents hate me. i somewhat understand. 

was this too much reading? my b. i feel better though. here's a song. 

you'll like it. except for the name maybe. rather crude, even for my little sailor's mouth. 

hayliesuzanne

'leven look back.

You know what? this was one of my hardest years to date, i think. 

many things really shook me up. but between the hardships, there were so many blessings that i feel ungrateful even talking about trials. 

A lot of the shit that happened was sort of karma, i suppose.  

well, of course it was karma. i've been a damn fool the past few years. 

but i'm being ambiguous and that's really annoying. 

let's do a 'leven look back, shall we?

I left saint george,

 and with it, went a part of my heart.

Where I made friends that i intend keeping all the way to heaven.

I became an aunt.

the obnoxious kind that talks about it every second and shows countless pictures.

but you already know that.

derek and i struggled. more than we ever have. But like my mom said today, we've "been through everything and back already. [we] can handle more that most couples". seri, i take pride in the fact that we haven't had it easy. It makes it all the better to know we have each other.

 He's def my bef :)

    

i got my first real job. even though i still feel like a dressed up child most of the time. 

My best friend since first grade received her mission call. i start to tear up every time i think about it. She's been in my life longer than any friend. and i'm so proud of her. of anyone, i know she deserves it. 

Watch out, non-mormons of Portugal. 

madi is soon on her way.

i think i chose my future career finally. Thanks to all the prodding of derek, who told me if there was one thing i was good at, it was arguing, so i might as well get paid for it. LAW SCHOOL HERE I COME!

I've become crafty. serious change. i'm the most uncreative person i know. and though they may be small, like spray painting baskets to become trinket holders or making simple holiday gifts, i'm about as proud as it gets.

i cannot tell you how many times derek and i have hung out with my parents on weekend nights the past few months. we go out, we stay in, we talk, we watch movies. we're each other's double daters now. i'm not ashamed. 

with that precious smile, how could i be?

and mostly, i've changed. 

remember the LITERAL wild child i used to be? well she's settled down. 

i don't know if that is temporary or permanent, some things should probably stick around longer. 

like the fact that i used to live off of attention. 

 i AM ashamed of that. really quite pathetic. 

now, sweats and no makeup hardly faze me. 

2012. 

the best is yet to come.

h

i heart jeffrey.

it was just a jeffrey campbell kind of christmas. 

h

music to my ears

it's like a mix between Lights, Anni B Sweet and some Passion Pit. 

i love alex w.

best of the best. 

little

early christmas presents

i had a splendid surprise last night when i got 100% on my final.

then to add to that, i got a call from the boy who had an interview while i was at school.

in that short period of an hour, he had the first, then second interview, and was then told he was hired.

so, being the perfect girlfriend that i so obviously am, i made him (but, also me) a celebratory dinner. 

lemon garlic pasta with sauteed mushrooms and shrimp. 

you can be impressed, cause i sure am.

  

and even though he will now be making almost double what i make, 

and i'm actually really bitter about that, i am so proud of him :) 

and he ain't bad on the eyes either.

even in his 'holiday card' pose.

but even more so while cuddling with the punk.

i like him.

 i like him a whole lot.

h

greetings from the 3 coolest kids in town.

haylie. anne brady. henry

"haya, you shouldn't have any toys cause you are supposed to be a grown up... 

but i know you're really just a kid"

h

sometimes i get grinchy, but usually i'm nice.

angry elf:

i hate colored lights. especially ones with purple and blue. purple and blue aren't christmas colors. 

i loathe the abbreve 'X-mas'. so much.

i think christmas light nets thrown over bushes are terrible. TERRIBLE.

SANTA! i know him:

i really like homely christmas trees. they melt my heart and all of a sudden their homeliness takes on some sort of personification and i want to be friends. 

identical nieces in holiday apparel; don't even get me started. 

i think fireplaces are divine.

its cute seeing little cars hauling big trees on top.

steamers are the yummiest.

my favorite is hearing christmas songs by the best bands. (see below)

i like being as pale as a goose and not minding. for once in my life. 

and finally, wearing the puffiest northface i can find, ensemble sweats, a scarf wrapped up to my nose and hideous old boots from high school. looking that good and going in public. i don't even care.

this song makes me the happiest.

milo boy.

Once upon a brisk morning, there lie a small girl in her giant bed.

as she heard someone walking up the stairs to her room, she was instantly peeved.

for this girl liked sleep just about as much as a bear. possibly more. 

she scowled and raised her eyes over the blanket to see who the intruder was.

eh, it was just her best friend. he could jump in the covers for all she cared,

for she was going to sleep more, regardless of what he did.

but the sleepy haze wore off as she noticed that balled up blanket in his arms move.

the fact that he had a balled up blanket in the first place hadn't really dawned on her as odd yet.

but the moving part awakened the most obnoxious and obvious personality flaw of hers called curiosity.

for there are only a small number of items that are bundled in blankets and wiggle around.

just then, the light blue eyes of a sleepy puppy peeped out and made a precious yawn. 

which meant that at the crack of 11, she was fully awake. a real weekend rarity. 

and guess what? she wasn't even that mad.

this is milo.

 i named him.

 mostly because i thought ollie and milo sounded cute together.

 derek tried to name his own dog.

 cool names like olympus, apollo, cronus and even his last name, killough, but spelled kilo.

 cause everyone mispronounces his last name.

here's a hint: (key-low)

 but somehow (not really, we all know why) the name milo persevered.

and guess what erinn? i even let him lick my face. with his pungent little puppy breath. 

:)

 and while we're on the subject of pooches. ollie got in trouble last week (she kept eating my socks) so i put her in timeout. she took it really seriously. stayed there for 10 minutes. sneaking some peeks every once in a while.

-little

shade parade.

click here for the cutest thing you've ever seen.

as if i need another reason to buy more nail polish.

h

new blog on the block.

y'all, i am so happy to present to you what will become your new favorite blog to stalk.

kylie michelle harrison

FACT:

this girl is crafty as hell.

she can bake anything.

she makes her own clothes.

she has this thing called style that i have yet to learn.

she is gorgeous.

she cleans like a good mother. 

she designs things. 

pinterest was made for her, or she for it.

i've been begging her to start a blog for dayyyys.

and so this is a special day.

those are my girls.

kylie being the very right.

and her dress? MADE IT.

so check it. 

you'll learn how to do all sorts of things.

and be entertained simultaneously.

h

wild thing.

it's no surprise, i enjoy the word 'wild'. 

since the beginning, when my mother referred to me as her wild child.

then i got a bracelet to reinforce it.

it helps that Where the Wild Things Are was derek's favorite childhood book/memory.

cause then i read it with new eyes. and loved it too.

and to add to all this, after my girl Kyle introduced me to darling little misty miller, 

i found the song wild thing. 

perf.

all in all, i do consider myself a wild child.

but i don't consider that a derogatory term.

because it means i like adventure.

that i don't conform easily.

that i think swearing is funny, dammit.

that i don't take myself too seriously.

that i'd rather have fun.

that i'm just a little wild.

NOT:

that i get drunk on the weekends.

that i seek attention and approval of boys.

that i'm a bitchy girl. 

that i would do anything to fit in.

or any other things that are often wrongly correlated.

i can't really explain the depth of this word, cause it probably seems silly to most.

but to me, it means being true. being happy with me.

and mostly, not losing the simple happiness of childhood.

"inside each of us there is a hidden child, you just have to learn to be wild"

truth.

we're the ones everyone hates.

4 inches of snow outside my window this morning,

but i didn't even hate it. 

cause let's be honest.

had you been driving home with us from our double date last night, 

you would have heard us listening to 106.5

..or in other words. the christmas station.

we're those people.

judge us. whatev.

if snow means reading by the fire, listening to nat king cole and 

cuddling with our little punk, then i'm A-okay with that.

happy november 

aren't they presh?

today...

 

my cramps are making me want to punch everyone in the face.

and hate them after.