long hair, don't care

in the last few years, girls have been taken over by 'long lock lust' as i like to call it.
actually i've never called it that. but that's neither here nor there.
 anywho. just about everyone these days wants long, luscious hair.
yet no one thinks of the downsides. 

so, as a long (not so luscious) hair veteran, i thought i'd do y'all a favor and fill you in.

every time you go to the restroom, you have to put your hair up. it becomes a paranoia. 

you'll never realize how annoying it gets to have the small of your back persistently tickled by your own hair. 

do you know why buns are so popular lately? because long hair is a pain in the ass. why do you think i've resorted to the sambun (samurai bun) for the past 10 years?

when you roll over at night, your hair gets pulled so often, your southern half will hate your northern half. also known as a civil war. 

brushing your hair daily? puhhleease. forget about it.

expect nothing less than dreads every morning that you wake up.

compliments. everyone loves them. but how do you answer to "omgeee, your hair is sooo lonnggg!!" 

thanks? maybe they were merely stating a fact. i know? sounds almost conceited.

there's just no winning. 

people will be guaranteed to ask you the number one most annoying question in the world.

"are those extensions?"nooope. but thanks for passing off years of patience for something that takes a fraction of the time. 'cept extensions cost money. so i guess it's a semi fair trade.
 years to grow it = money spent on it.

just get used to your hair getting caught under the armpits of the ones you hug. gross. and painful.

you'll grow a strong neck holding all that weight up there.

in the summer, your head may or may not be 20℉ hotter than the rest of your bod.

you very easily could start hating toddlers with their grabby little hands and tight little grips.

i've never dyed my hair, so i'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure coloring long hair would cost you a pretty penny.

automatic mood change when it gets caught in zippers.

your loved ones might not like you when you whip them in the face 59 times a day with it.

prepare yourself to buy shampoo and conditioner at costco. you'll need the bulk packaging.

ask me how many times you'll sit on your hair in a day.

static? get used to it.

then why do i have it, you ask?



simple.
i'd be hideous without it.
that's why.

h